As each day passes me by, I hate the realization that we never do mature as an adult. I still feel like the same kid trying to make it through life. There are more struggles along the way, yet I don’t feel like I’m the adult that I should be. I see people my age who are still a child at heart.
I grew up listening to many stories. Stories that made me look up to my own grandparents as heroes. They seemed so responsible in their early 20s. Reflecting on my own life compared to theirs.. it makes me feel incompetent and like I have not made any kind of success in life.
I haven’t posted on my blog in quite awhile. I’ve become quite an emotional wreck. Two kids and giving up on selling cars because I’ve had it with the bad people in this industry. What more can I say. Today I woke up thinking it was going to be a wonderful day. I did not get the position I interviewed for. For the first time, I’ve had an issue paying my car bill. I felt crushed. Like I had failed in life. I’m not sure where to go from here. What to do…. Unfortunately, my first post of 2018 has to be of me venting. I’m sorry if you’re reading this only to realize how much of a mess I am right now. I’m fighting my own mentality.
It scares me how quickly I gave up. I was in tears most of the day trying to calm myself. Rationalizing that today was a swat on the wrist compared to other people with actual problems.
Now here I go. Self motivating…. I just have to gather my positivity and turn this negative into something more optimistic.
Let’s hope this post isn’t the first and the last.
I am now a sales representative at a car dealership. Not quite what I expected from myself. It’s going fine. 2nd week with 1 car sale. Not sure if that’s good or not. Maybe stick it out for a month and see how this journey goes or me.
It feels good to blog again. I’ve missed it I have missed you all.
Hello!
After 3 months of living in Show Low, Arizona we decided to move away. I have never been in such a hate filled town. I hated the idea that the color of my skin automatically made me incompetent. So after 3 months and a lot of stressful weight gain we moved to Kingman, Arizona. Back to something normal, I hope. I can’t help but see everything differently. But here’s to a new beginning and hopefully it’s a better one.
This is the end to my rant for the night. Good Night.
I deserve this scholarship. I could go on about my own personal struggles, but we all have our own battles in life. I could tell you about all the family deaths I have overcome.How my choices made me into the person I am today, but I want to tell you my goals if I were to win this scholarship and how it could alter a little piece of the world for the better.
Winning this scholarship could mean that I can afford a college degree. The degree I am pursuing is in business. For my whole life I’ve lived on a Native American Reservation and the conditions are bizarre. I’ve seen families of 10 or more living in a 3 bedroom on a daily basis so that another relative has a roof to be under. There is poverty everywhere on these reservations due to shortages of employment opportunities and high school students discouraged by college costs, or simply because spirit’s are broken. Some people give up easily since they are not encouraged to leave home because they are not reassured that they will be successful and that the world is a land of opportunity, rather than prospecting it as a dangerous place.
I’ve spent 6 months working with the Hopi Tribal Housing Authority as a secretary. I became passionate about the company’s purpose and became involved in many meetings they had with HUD (Housing and Urban Development). In my short time there we began on a project consisting of the building of 40 units for 40 families in need and 20 units in the small town of Winslow, AZ. This program allowed qualifying members to for pay a monthly rent based on their income until they the owned the home. There are plenty of assistance available like this program, but each tribe is limited and not everyone in need of assistance qualify due to tribal affiliation or budget limitations.
My goal is to attain a degree in business so I can work up to becoming an executive director of a business that will help Native Americans. I want to get people out of these crowded homes, create new programs to keep the kids from doing dangerous activities, and open up my community and many other communities across the world to the idea of better opportunity. If a degree allowed me to complete most of my ambitions it’ll be worth the time and effort it takes to get the degree that could make that day possible.
In conclusion, my goal is for poverty ridden reservations. Poisoned minds of the unfortunate who deserve to know that life is worth living. To have the knowledge that they too can convert the world they know with the right mindset. For struggling families who should be reminded that it’s never too late to make a difference and earn a higher education despite their age or shortage of funding. For the young mother’s who think their life is over. To make believing in something greater possible. My personal inspiration as a mother are my children and I want to create a life I’ve never had for them with the mindset that if you want something in life you can achieve it by hard work, dedication, and determination like everyone else who is successful.
Today I purchased myself a new journal. I admit, I was very excited. I can’t wait to begin all over again. Let the memories begin…. Well, at least the ones worth remembering.
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If you can't speak it write it, sing it, draw it, make something beautiful out of it.
