As each day passes me by, I hate the realization that we never do mature as an adult. I still feel like the same kid trying to make it through life. There are more struggles along the way, yet I don’t feel like I’m the adult that I should be. I see people my age who are still a child at heart.
I grew up listening to many stories. Stories that made me look up to my own grandparents as heroes. They seemed so responsible in their early 20s. Reflecting on my own life compared to theirs.. it makes me feel incompetent and like I have not made any kind of success in life.
I haven’t posted on my blog in quite awhile. I’ve become quite an emotional wreck. Two kids and giving up on selling cars because I’ve had it with the bad people in this industry. What more can I say. Today I woke up thinking it was going to be a wonderful day. I did not get the position I interviewed for. For the first time, I’ve had an issue paying my car bill. I felt crushed. Like I had failed in life. I’m not sure where to go from here. What to do…. Unfortunately, my first post of 2018 has to be of me venting. I’m sorry if you’re reading this only to realize how much of a mess I am right now. I’m fighting my own mentality.
It scares me how quickly I gave up. I was in tears most of the day trying to calm myself. Rationalizing that today was a swat on the wrist compared to other people with actual problems.
Now here I go. Self motivating…. I just have to gather my positivity and turn this negative into something more optimistic.
Let’s hope this post isn’t the first and the last.
I am in need of some advice. From a stranger. From you, my followers. I need an opinion from someone who will not sugar coat the truth from me and say the truth as is.
I am a 22 year old woman. Living with her boyfriend. I have a job/career selling vehicles at a car dealership. I have 2 kids. Johnathan (3) and Khiarrah (2). I have been saving up for an apartment or house rental (just in case boyfriend and I split and he kicks us out). He does not let me pay for garbage, electric, water, etc. and says for me not to worry. But when we argue he brings that up.
I have just started my job in this new area for this person. (Yes probably not the smartest decision). So I am re building my life in a place where I do not know anyone, and location I am not familiar with.. but he wanted me to move in with him as a way of showing him that I do indeed love the guy. (We have dated previously and we did attempt at building a family together before)
School is still something I am working on and I have been saving up for another stable vehicle. When I even mention my own apartment he thinks I am giving up on our relationship, when I am just trying to think about security…
Am I going about this the wrong way?
What am I doing wrong?
I am now a sales representative at a car dealership. Not quite what I expected from myself. It’s going fine. 2nd week with 1 car sale. Not sure if that’s good or not. Maybe stick it out for a month and see how this journey goes or me.
It feels good to blog again. I’ve missed it I have missed you all.
After 3 months of living in Show Low, Arizona we decided to move away. I have never been in such a hate filled town. I hated the idea that the color of my skin automatically made me incompetent. So after 3 months and a lot of stressful weight gain we moved to Kingman, Arizona. Back to something normal, I hope. I can’t help but see everything differently. But here’s to a new beginning and hopefully it’s a better one.
This is the end to my rant for the night. Good Night.
So I am now in a new location. (Show Low, AZ) This week has been hectic. I have no vehicle due to my car having so many problems. I have been walking and running everywhere. Out of all my applications submitted I have only received 1 interview, which I doubt I got the job. My skills are all office related. No way they’re going to hire a non-experienced server into a fancy restaurant. I have been living out of a motel. Very low budget so of course I am freaking out here. But nonetheless it is better than doing nothing and feeling incapable of “life”.
Here’s my update to you from the public library and I have upgraded to a mountain bike. So my optimism has not left me completely.
On the brighter side all my pants fit me again. So good bye stretchy pants and hello more outfits lol. 🙂
I sound like I am big when I wear a size 7 but hey it’s new to me because I used to be a size 0.
…anyway have a good day, goodnight, and thanks for reading my rambling.